How to Make a Proper Cup of Tea

I’m half British and so, like all folks of tea-drinking nations (here’s looking at you Pakistan, Afghanistan, Botswana, India (note: I separated Pakistan and India because they aren’t friends), Ireland, Wales, etc), my blood contains tea. Now, living in America, which I have done all my life, I’ve noticed that our tea-making ability is really poor. When I order hot tea in a restaurant, I get a huge pot of water and ONE teabag. ONE! And they’ll give me all the coffee I want but if I order tea, I get one teabag. Makes no sense. If I had the energy, I’d campaign for better tea in restaurants. Lets face it though, there are more important things to place my energy to, you know, like making sure everyone in the world had access to clean drinking water.

Anyway, Americans, in general, don’t know how to make a proper cup of tea. This is essential knowledge. I mean, what are you going to do if someone from a tea-drinking nation visits you and you hand them a pot of hot water and a tea bag? If you follow the steps I bring to you, you will be prepared to enjoy a good cup of tea.

There are two ways I know of to make a proper cup of tea. The uber-strong-cup-of-tea method and the-method-that-I-think-is-wrong-but-that-my-family-members-do. I will explain both.

The Method That All My Family Members Do But That I Think Is Wrong Method
Step One. Fill a tea kettle with fresh water.
Step Two. Put said tea kettle on stove.
Step Three. Turn burner onto high and boil water.
Step Four. While water is heating, put one teabag (black tea or assam tea only…. this does not taste good with chamomile or other herbals) into normal sized mug. If using a larger sized mug that us die-hard tea and coffee drinkers use, put two. One teabag is for wusses.
Step Five. Don’t watch aforementioned kettle. It will not boil if you do.
Step Six. When water finally boils (after you stopped watching it, of course), pour hot water into mugs with desired amount of tea bags in making sure you do pour over the tea bag. It’s important to saturate the tea bag for optimum results.
Step Seven. Wait four minutes.
Step Eight. After four minutes, steep the bag(s) for a minute or so.
Step Nine. Remove tea bags.
Step Ten. Add milk. Milk is important. It must be real cow’s milk and it has to have some fat in it but not too much. Do not use cream and do not use non-fat. I prefer 2%.
Step Eleven. Add sugar to your liking. Do not add sugar substitute because it’s gross and it’s very bad for you. You can substitute honey if you like. I recommend no more than three teaspoons of sugar. This isn’t diabetes tea.
Step Twelve. Enjoy!

The Method of Tea-Making That I Believe Is The Right Way
Step One. Turn on the hot water tap.
Step Two. Find largest mug in home.
Step Three. Put two black tea bags in largest mug and fill it with the hot tap water.
Step Four. Put aforementioned mug in microwave and microwave til boiling (3-4 minutes).
Step Five. After it’s boiled, take out of microwave and remove tea bag.
Step Six. Add milk. Again, milk is very important. Non-fat milk will destroy the beverage and it’s not worth drinking unless you’re desperate. Cream is too heavy. Also, when adding milk, it is necessary that you do not let it get too dark or too light. Think latte color.
Step Seven. Add sugar or honey.
Step Eight. Enjoy!

I hope this encourages you to go out and enjoy tea. It’s my favorite beverage in the entire world!

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